Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
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