I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
