In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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