as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
