dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
