This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
