BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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