you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
