Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He? As in you personified your dick?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
