and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
