So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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