i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
