Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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