no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
