She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
