I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
