Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
