So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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