are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm having to shit out rocks
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