thus making me awesome and them whores
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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