There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
