When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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