i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
