Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
