Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
