Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
