Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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