so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
