At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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