She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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