That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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