# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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