I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize