Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
