you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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