The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
be right there i have to get my cape
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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