I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
