Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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