I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just google imaged poop.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
