First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
