my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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