my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
