I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
