i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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