Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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