i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So much Jack, so little girl.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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