she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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