she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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