I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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