I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
