peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
