Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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