Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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