I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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