I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm having to shit out rocks
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
