Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
