yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
