I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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