At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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