Your face is a jimmy john
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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