I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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