im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
