Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He did a backflip because drugs
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