Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
