Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize