I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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