what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
