i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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