I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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