hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
