hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
