He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
