I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
